He liked to nod his head when he was thinking. Just a little, always to himself. Three nods and then he’d have the courage to open his mouth. My cowardly lion. I wanted to hold him in the palm of my hand. 

But it was too terrifying. 

Not him, though at times I looked at him at arm’s length and saw the same sweetness and shyness and thoughtfulness of another man I once knew. 

I wished I liked him more, but there was something in his gaze that gave me unease. It was too even. It was too blank. 

But when he pulled his arms behind his head and they made that ‘M’ in the air, the words left my brain. I loved him. He made me uneasy but I loved him.

I wondered if I acted like a lamb, if he would feel safe enough to come and take a leap, ask me out. 

We passed the days in near perfect silence, eyeing each other from across the room. I wondered about your birthday, your zodiac. Were you a Capricorn like him?

But perhaps I misread you. Maybe I overlooked everything that makes you so thoroughly you. If so, must I go?